The Latest Kitchen-Table Gossip!

Well, I never! You won't BELIEVE the hullabaloo our dear President Trump has stirred up this time! He just waltzed back to Washington after that whole kerfuffle down in Venezuela, where they apparently nabbed that Nicolás Maduro fellow. Can you imagine such a thing?

He was on Air Force One, sweetie, telling everyone that "we're in charge" – as if there was ever any doubt! And then he goes and says,

Oh, the drama! It’s like something right out of a daytime serial, isn't it?

Grandma’s Sarcastic Snooping!

Honestly, the nerve of some people!

he says. Oh, bless his heart, always thinking big, isn't he? Back in my day, we just sent a telegram or maybe a strongly worded letter!

And then he’s going on about how countries around us should be "viable and successful" and where "the oil is allowed to freely come out." Sniff. Well, who knew he was such an expert on international commerce? I just want my gas prices to stay reasonable for my Sunday drives to church!

What ACTUALLY Happened (Bless Their Hearts!)

Now, let me tell you what really happened, before my blood pressure goes up. President Trump returned from Florida after a U.S. mission captured Nicolás Maduro on drug trafficking charges. He even mentioned that Venezuela "took our oil" and that the U.S. is "in charge" of the situation, planning to make nearby countries "viable and successful."

But the real tea, sweetie, is about Greenland! You know, that big, icy place? Just hours after Maduro’s arrest, Katie Miller, bless her ambitious heart and wife of Trump's Deputy Chief of Staff, posted an image of Greenland with an American flag and the word "SOON." Can you believe the audacity?

Heavens to Betsy, the Danes and Greenlanders were furious! Their ambassador, Jesper Moller Sorensen, had to politely remind everyone that

and that they expect "full respect for the territorial integrity of the Kingdom of Denmark." As he should, I say!

President Trump even chimed in, saying he'd worry about Greenland "in two months" or "20 days." Oh, to be so flippant about such important matters!

Why Grandma “Just Can’t Even” Today!

Honestly, between capturing dictators and eyeing up icy islands, I just don't know what's gotten into these youngsters! It's enough to make a gal spill her tea and drop her knitting needles. What a world, sweetie, what a world!

My goodness, the headlines alone are giving me the vapors!

World War Three, they say! Oh, for goodness sake, I just hope they don’t disrupt my bridge club! It’s all just too much for an old gal like me.